Assessing How Far We’ve Come (And If We’ve Gone Anywhere at All!)

Well, the time has come: exercise assessment time. The time at which I reflect on how I’ve grown as a historian over the semester. And so I sat, pondering that question, as I stared at an all too common sight:

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In case that doesn’t paint a clear enough picture for you, how about this?
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Last contribution: A month ago.

Where, oh where, is Kathryn Greenan?

She shows up to class (most of the time), sits in her seat nodding while eating breakfast because she was running late. This was the Monday and Wednesday ritual all semester.

Every semester, somehow, April comes, and I am caught with my pants on the ground – scrambling to recover. This time, this time, I promised myself; things will be different. And yet here we are.

This is late. This is probably completely undeserving of being graded because not only is this one assignment that is late, but this is somehow an entire semester of saying, “there will be time tomorrow.”

I went to class (even if it meant showing up half an hour late) and fell further and further behind. Yet still I did not get moving.

Why’d I do it? Because I was scared. Because I’ve been scared since last July when I registered for this class. It was so far out of my element, so far from anything I’ve done… I was terrified that I’d mess up. Following HIST3812, I was even more nervous. My group did not do well. I’d felt out of my depth, and the warning that ‘next semester will be code heavy’ (paraphrased) had me shaking in my boots.

So instead of going to study sessions, instead of doing the work on schedule so that if I ran into problems I could get help – I did nothing.

Suddenly, it was March 29th and I was in a panic. And so I duly present: How I’ve Grown.

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